Sunburned and selfish

What a freakin' awesome weekend, and a 3 day one at that! Just me and the kids, we had the hood to ourselves for a change. It started with a ball game Friday night where my daughter's team is really starting to show that they can play. They still lost, but that's not the point. They are maturing into a pretty good team considering their pre-season practices were mostly rained out and almost all of the girls are first time players. I'm proud of them! In preparation for a long weekend, I let the kids make the decision of what to do, fully aware it would just be the three of us (sort of). It was head to the beach or stay at home and chill, do some gardening and invite Grandma and Grandpa over for a cookout. Stay at home won, which honestly was a little weird considering they are beach babies through and through. So we hung out ALL weekend, and it rocked! And I got a little bit too much sun! And they were nice enough to lather me up with aloe in the evening. And I'm a little sad that it's over, but there's always next time! 1. Digging up plants that we are donating to someone else's yard 2. Flip flops or bare feet, no need for shoes 3. Hot hot hot Carolina sun 4. Grillin' and chillin' 5. Suntan lotion a little too late 6. Bathing suits and running through the sprinkler 7. Catching frogs in the pond 8. Fireflies in the evening 9. Hit a few hundred balls in the back yard (square up those feet, elbow up, bat back) 10. Enjoying spending time together, just the three of us A little blast from the past, last Memorial Day, I was sliding on a wing and a prayer across 100ft of plastic and vegetable oil on a home made slip and slide that ended with bruises for 3 weeks, so here's to keeping it low key!

Line drive

No one ever said life was without pain. No one said life was a bed of roses. Accidents happens, shit happens! Bottom of the 1st, my little lady is playing 3rd base and takes a line drive right in the shin. All is well (and by the way, she took a 25mph pitch in the thigh on Saturday with 5 seconds of tears and kept hitting, my fault) until... her mother! She played the rest of the inning and no one thought any different. Why go into the dugout and make a big deal about getting hit with the ball? The tears started rolling and she sat out the 2nd inning. I love my kids, and I don't like to see them hurt, but it's shake it off and roll with the punches. I don't dramatize shit with them, you fall down, you get hit by a ball, you pick it up, you shake it off and you go on with more vigor than you had before, that's the only way to learn. 1. Knees bent 2. Bat back 3. Elbow up 4. Eye on the ball 5. Commit 6. Swing like you mean it 7. Run 8. Down and ready 9. Play ball 10. It's going to hurt sometimes, but that's OK Spinning the Ultimate Waylon Jennings collection tonight sipping on cheap domestic beer-G'Night my friends!

Flight plans

It went a little something like this. I heaved myself into the first aisle seat on the right side of the plane, yeah, open seating, that's how my airline rolls flies. Not too much later, an attractive blonde asks for the window seat, not wanting to end up in jail for causing a scene, I politely obliged to her request. 1. She placed her purse and iPhone in the middle seat 2. She turned to me and said, "My friend should be boarding shortly, this is going to be the most fun you will ever have on a plane!" 3. My mind started spinning, yeah, I went there briefly 4. Her friend shows up, was forced to take the window seat and she moved to the middle 5. I opened my big mouth, "your friend promised me the best plane ride ever" 6. She blushed, her friend giggled 7. I opened to page 49 of my book and read 8. She opened a magazine and read 9. The plane took off... 55 minutes pass... the plane landed 10. "Thank you for the best flight ever," I told her as we deplaned. "You're welcome, but nothing happened?" "Yes, true, but you don't smell funny, didn't try to bore we with mundane conversation or elbow me, and you are very attractive, so yes, it was the best flight ever, have a wonderful evening." And she blushed again.

Oh what long legs you have

I no longer understand the social dynamics of the frogs living in my pond. Earlier this spring, there was but a single large frog, presumably male, that spent his days swimming around and basking in the sun on the lily pads. One of the first particularly warm evenings, he sat at the edge of the pond singing his song to any ladies that might be out there. His song worked and she came to answer his call.  A few days later, there were hundreds of eggs attached to the underside of the lily pads. I never saw her again. I'm not being critical, but really, a one night stand and she leaves him with the reminder by watching his offspring hatch, grow stubs, and eventually turn into little frogs. I suppose I am a little disappointed that she took off so fast. He doesn't seem to mind. A few weeks later, after all the little tadpoles are well on their way to growing up to be strapping young adults, he sits at the edge of the pond again one evening, singing his song. This time, two answers come to him. The thing is, both couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 feet from him, one on the left and one on the right, but he wasn't aiming his call to either side. This went on for a couple of hours while I enjoyed the rocking chair and some wine. The next day I noticed another frog in the pond, much smaller, but still relatively good size. Was this the mother? I can't be certain as it was dark and I was unable to determine her coloring that infamous night. Regardless, she is still hanging around today. Just the other night, he sings again and gets 4 answers. I'm almost positive I heard the mother say "Seriously, you asked me to move into your pond and now your are off trying to find someone else in the middle of the night?" The next morning, it was still just the two of them in the pond, never in close proximity, but they were in there together. Last night, he sang again. This morning there are 5 frogs in the pond, she's still there, but sometime during the night, he found 3 more ladies to move into his pond. She must have really started to nag on him and express her anger as while I was rocking and enjoying my cup of coffee this morning, he pounced on her. They splashed around for a few seconds, he managed to get hold of her in his mouth and hold her upside down under the water for what seemed like 5 minutes. I really think he was trying to drown her. Her one back leg was kicking for most of the time she was under water, but it started to slow towards the end, and he seemed to be tightening his bite on her. He let go, or she managed to get loose, not really sure, but she immediately swam away and jumped out of the pond. Some fight that was! She's gone. I'm not sure if she will be back and frankly, I don't blame her a bit. Meanwhile, he still has 3 ladies to share his pond. What does not make sense is that since the first "batch" of eggs, there have been no more-or at least that I have noticed. Time for a coffee refill and then back to the porch to relax before officially starting the work day, and all the ladies are gone. I chuckle! Serves you right Mr. Frog for treating the mother of your children that way, I really think you are a creep and "HaHa" on you, now you are all alone (for now)! I'm quite sure that tonight or tomorrow night, he will be back out there singing preying on some innocent unsuspecting female. I will not interrupt nature or anything, but I would not be upset if a big snake came along and ate him up. But then the kids wouldn't have the joy of watching the eggs hatch into tadpoles and the tadpoles turn into froglets and the froglets turn into frogs. It's nice to have such a strange metamorphosis conveniently located for the kids to see first hand how awesome nature really is. I just won't tell them about the cheating and attempted murder escapades that go on in my pond. Some things you should protect your children from. So there you have it, the drama and dating and relationships of my pond. The thing is, I might be completely wrong and he might be a she and all the ladies might be dudes. Or, all the ladies might be dudes and he is still a he. Wouldn't that throw some interesting detail in the fire. For now, though, I will accept him as he is and watch the rest of the season unfold. It sure is nice having commercial free drama to watch. I'll leave you with a list of songs as the number of frogs didn't really add up. 1. Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit 2. Time Is Love by Josh Turner 3. All the Small Things by Blink 182 4. Angel Eyes by Love and Theft 5. Cowboys and Angels by Dustin Lynch 6. The Weakness In Me by Joan Armatrading 7. Feel So Close by Calvin Harris 8. Roll Away Your Stone by Mumford & Sons 9. Dreamer by Ozzy Osbourne 10.Casual Sex by My Darkest Days Bonus Track: "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog" Joy To the World by Three Dog Night Cheers!

And the chase was on

It seems that the story is always told in the eyes of the human and never the chased. Today we flip this around and although I was not there, I have put on my possum goggles and will attempt to retell the tale of the great chase. Dammit, they haven't taken the garbage out Hehe, the screen door is slightly ajar, now's my chance Ah, the aroma of bacon and eggs fresh off the griddle - I can already taste it Focus. Mission. I. Am. Here. For. Food. Focus. Focus. Focus Perfect, I'll just jump on her lap then right up to the table Oh shit, she saw me! Why is she screaming? Why am I flying? THUD! Ouch! Get back on your feet young possum What's that in her hand? It looks like a shovel, this isn't going to be good I feel like I'm running fast, but I'm not moving much. Stupid slippery floor. Can't. Get. Traction. SWAT! Whew, that was close, she's a maniac, a maniac with a shovel. ABORT!