30 ways

Luckily I wasn't asked to write "50 ways to leave your lover" but instead, 30 ways to say "Piss Off!" Me and my big mouth, 3 weeks and 30 different ways to try to get the data I need to complete a project and we side track. So here it goes... you get a 3 in one today! (Which considering how lazy I have been writing, pretty good) Common:
  1. bugger off
  2. fuck off
  3. get lost
  4. pee off
  5. rack off
  6. take a hike
  7. cheese off
  8. tee off
  9. tick off
  10. torque off
Not So Common:
  1. bid farewell
  2. flake off
  3. git
  4. move out
  5. say goodbye
  6. split
  7. take a hike
  8. take one's leave
  9. withdraw
  10. buh bye
Obscure:
  1. go eat a pumpkin
  2. your shirt is on inside out
  3. i've got my oven on
  4. an apple a day
  5. is that your Halloween costume
  6. gouda is better
  7. stupid punk
  8. bite me, then bite the wallaby
  9. you want a piece of this
  10. your eyelashes are ugly

22 floors, late

Well, here I am in my favorite windy city, Chicago, but this trip isn't about me. It's about two awesome friends that are tying the knot tomorrow afternoon. Last night, the groom and I did some hopping (bars, that is) and I (re)introduced him to good old American light beer. And we got green beads from the bartender, and free shirts that say "Half way to St Pat's Day", but tonight I'm relaxing in my room, 22 floors above the streets of a town that I love. Tomorrow, I get to share a special day with two people that have become very dear friends. I look out my window and I notice this big white ball in the sky. A full moon (almost... tomorrow it will be). I stared at this moon hanging effortlessly in the sky. I stared at all the buildings and cars and people below and sort of drifted off. I thought about how small we really are. How many of us there are, all alive, busy, working, playing, shopping, planning. And I thought of this couple that is about to get married! Married! It's funny how you come to meet someone in life, and something just clicks. Next thing you know, you are the best of friends, you are hanging out for New Years in Chi, meeting the soon to be. It was all just too amazing. I guess what really was going through my head was... I was genuinely excited for these two. They really have something special, and in a world where there are billions of people, to see two, just two, find each other and grow their relationship is just amazing. So under the almost full moon, I tried to think of ten things. I'm in Chicago, this should be easy. And it isn't/wasn't. I was nervous, the day before the wedding and there were things not panning out the way they were planned. When does life play out the way we plan? Never! There were so many things to do. Last minute. It's going to be a wreck of a wedding! No it's not! Yes it is! No it's not! Yes it is! Yeah, you get the idea... jitters... Absolutely f*ing amazing!!! It was a beautiful wedding! On the lake, perfect weather (I swear the lake was like glass during the ceremony, not a ripple around, not sure if anyone else saw that). We were introduced to Mr. and Mrs. you know who you are :) (there I go with emoticons again, need to stop that!). The dinner was interesting, and ingenious. Put a bunch of people around a table and make them eat with their hands. Brilliant!!! And the food was awesome to boot. Ethiopian cuisine... basically you have this moist bread that is your fork/spoon/knife and if you are sensitive to spice, don't choose the spicy dishes (lamb, beef, chicken, beans) - I did, and survived! And it was yuuuuuuummmmmmmmmy! Now to get jiggy with it at the bar... Oh shit! I'm the appointed DJ. This should be easy, just play the song list we talked about - no - play whatever keeps the crowd dancing - no - slow it down, we are all sweaty - no - speed it up - no I don't have that song - wait - I have Internet - Amazon, take me away - dance - oh, no, wait, I don't dance - a shot? - oh, no, I can't - OK, well maybe one... Just a great crowd celebrating you two! (And for a dude that said many times prior to Saturday that you couldn't dance... you sure owned the freaking dance floor) So 10 things... I'm happy for you both. FINALLY YOU TIED THE KNOT!!! That alone should be worth at least 10 things. Cheers my friends, may life love and happiness bless you forever. All my love (and the kids) (and Lola)!    

I wrote you a letter today

Yes, some of you are saying, "Yeah, what the *f* ever, you wrote a letter, big honkin' deal." Well, when was the last time you wrote a letter, I mean an honest to goodness pen and paper letter? I thought so! I don't know about you, but I write all the time, emails, documents for work, FaceBook updates, texting, this blog, etc., but never a letter. 1. There was no spell check - I realized how dependent I am on it 2. There was no delete or backspace - no chance to reorganize the thoughts 3. My handwriting sucks 4. It was strange writing with a pen for a purpose other than scribbling notes during a meeting 5. I didn't really say anything earth shattering So what does this all mean? Well, I dunno! In this fast paced world of electronic correspondence, I did something on a whim, out of character, something I have not done in probably 25 years. And all for accidental reasons. I never set out to write you a letter. I was supposed to mail something to you and had already chased down a stamp and an envelope (thanks Mom for lending me these things, I never have them on hand). I had already put your address on it and stuck a stamp on it (when did they start making self stick stamps? Nah, this is good, they used to taste like hell!). It just kinda went from there. 6. I hope my letter finds you well 7. I know you will probably crumble it up and throw it away 8. That's OK, I've stared at the flag on the mailbox all day 9. And wondered if I should put the flag down I sit here listening to Honey Ryder's new album (because the world needs a new band that can write and perform songs that stand the test of time) and popping Licorice Altoids like they are candy (OK, they are candy) and realize that today is a federal holiday. So tomorrow, I will be watching as the faithful postal jeep reaches in my mailbox, puts the flag down and pulls away. That's it. It's out of my hands and into yours. Absolutely no chance for delete now! 10. I hope you are not offended or embarrassed. Not only are you receiving a letter, but this letter has become the subject of something a million people will read (OK, yeah, don't remind me... this site doesn't get that much traffic), and you won't even know for a couple of days, so the suspense will kill me. I won't be able to sleep. I'll drink way too much coffee. I'll have a couple glasses of wine. I'll wonder how you will react to this letter, a letter that really basically just says "Hi."  A letter just for the sake of writing you a letter. It's a lost art, I think I have proven that to myself when I sat down this morning with pen in hand. Pay it forward, maybe you will write someone else a letter, maybe you will even write back. And somehow, I dig out this childhood memory, long before we met, quoting Beverly Cleary's Dear Mr. Henshaw... "Deliver de letter de sooner de better de later de letter de madder I getter." To one undisclosed recipient, check you mailbox in a couple of days! <3