Never never never!

So I'm stuck in Buffalo, NY. It's just a slight annoyance with travel, I don't get upset, I don't go off at the gate agents, I don't curse the airline. I do hate sleeping in airports, though, so sometimes travel becomes "I don't get there when I want to." Every once in awhile, travel delays lead to great stories. Even more rare, travel delays let you overhear a conversation that makes you go "what the eff!" I'm back at the hotel, what better to do but sit at the bar, have a drink, eat some food and get a little but of work done so that I don't get behind. There is always a distraction. The dude next to me showed up after I had been planted in my seat for roughly 30 minutes. Normal. He sat down, was presented a menu and picked up his phone. The conversation went like this... "Hello honey. I just finished checking into the hotel and now I'm at the hotel restaurant. I have the menu and everything looks pretty good." "It's raining again." "OK, I'm going to order, I love you." Then [my favorite Buffalo] bartender comes up to him and takes his order. He watches the hockey game on TV. He picks up his phone. "Hi, honey." "Yes, I ordered." "I ordered a bacon cheeseburger with fries. Oh, and a Sam Adams." "Yes, they had other things like burgers with avocado and some chicken dishes, but a bacon burger sounded good." "OK, I love you." He continues to watch the hockey game. His food arrives. Next phone call. "Hello honey. I got my burger, it looks good. I love you, too." He hangs up, watches the game while eating. Another phone call. "Hi honey, the burger is really good. I put a little extra ketchup on it. The fries were salty enough, but I did put a tad bit of pepper on them." "I love you." He hangs up. He dials again. "I have finished my dinner honey, but I still have a bit of Sam Adams left." "I'll probably just sip on it and watch a little more of the game. I love you." Hangs up. Dials again. "The bill wasn't too bad, I charged it to my room. I love you." "Yes, I am going to my room now." "I'll call you when I get there. I love you." He finally left. And I just have to wonder. If ever (never, never, never) were I to be in a situation where there was that much micro management in a relationship, I think I would... It would be ugly. Really ugly. And there would be a lot of cleanup from my head splattering all over the living room floor. Here's to another Gin and Tonic!

Sweet sweet music

That moment where you turned down the radio And you were on the phone and that song you love comes on And you want to crank it up so you make up some reason why you need to get off the phone So you can turn the volume way the freak up And you do a little disco move in front of the mirror And you say, yeah, no, I cannot dance But I do love this song Not as much as I love the person I was talking to on the phone But I do love this song And I love it loud!

Tonight, my hat

I wear this hat tonight because it is cold and even though I am in my house, the cold creeps in so I wear this hat. It is a hat I have had for ten years and I wear it when I am cold. So I wear my hat tonight. It is ugly, like really ugly. When I wear it for any length of time then it makes my hair ugly. But my hair is ugly already so that makes it all OK. But I still wear my hat. I wonder why I still have this hat. It is out of style and certainly not cool. I put it on and the first thing I think about is if I should be seen in public with this hat on my head. I buy a cigar at the store and it sits on my counter and I never will smoke it because it will make my hat smell like the mafia. That's right, the sitting around playing cards and drinking scotch in fancy suits smoking cigars with guns. I do not want my hat to smell like that. Then I do exactly what any fashion conscious dude with an ugly hat would do. I buy a coat. Not a jacket. Not a flogger. A fucking coat! One of those that borders on a sport coat and is so stinking sexy that you can't help but look at me and wonder why I have an ugly hat. And then I put on the scarf. And you are totally amazed at how awesomely I transform into the poster boy on the cover of some internationally acclaimed magazine. Then you stop. Because I have an ugly hat. And you are right. I should not be there in my ugly hat. But I love my hat. I wonder what I should cook for dinner tonight. I am really in the mood for a salad but I have no lettuce. Maybe I should go out and buy a new hat. One that conforms to the fashion regulations of today. I am not sure if a new hat would keep my head warm. Protects my ears. I do not want those dangling things like the kids wear these days. I want an ugly hat. Ugly hat.