Maybe it's hard to appreciate, but pure pitch black night is beautiful. We live in a world of brilliant neon, bright street lights, convenient light switches and flashlights. We always want the lights on to lead the way. Have you ever stopped to look at the darkness? Soak in the emptiness of not being able to see what is near you? Close to you? In front of you? Look up. Look up at the stars on a clear night. Look up at the half moon shining through a cloudy sky. Look up at the storm overhead. Wait for lightning to illuminate. Then pause. Breathe in deep. We were born in darkness. There's always a light. Sometimes you just need to wait for it. Then close your eyes, the darkness behind your lids is the same, isn't it? Think where you are walking. Don't trip. Think about the uneven sidewalk. A lightning bug will help. A little bit. Feel what is around you. Sense what is around you. Know what is around you. Don't run into the wall that has been there for a hundred years, a thousand years. 1/2 Just Ten Lines Salamander slithers Into my dreams Knows only darkness Wombat burrows Escaping danger
If you have never seen it, watch it. You will not be dissapointed. It's full on with a cast that you have never heard of and a budget less than my monthly grocery bill. BUT, it a rock solid good movie and here's why... 1. The potential for a date movie is awesome. I mean, there's a love lost scene in the beginning with "that guy" and kiss kiss with the more "stable" dude at the end. What date wouldn't love that? 2. The size of the shark puts Jaws to shame 3. It has a boat in it. 4. Super Shark can freaking walk on the beach, how cool is that? 5. Also, Super Shark can pick an F-16 out of the sky, yeah, the fucker can apparently fly. 6. There is a walking tank, reminds me of the Star Wars things (what do you call those things, I never got into Star Wars). It, too, like the F-16, doesn't make it. 7. There are girls in bikinis (not good for the date potential). 8. I lost zero brain energy watching Super Shark. 9. The gal... 10. I won't ruin the ending.
Water. There was a crap ton of rain this week. The ground is soggy. My dog hates the rain. I get annoyed when the mail person doesn't fully close the mailbox after delivering the mail when it's raining. The bills are drenched. Water. You are there every morning when those delicately ground beans meet the gurgling noise as you rush through the coffee maker. Blend yourself with velvet black heaven. Awaken my eyes. Get me moving. Thinking. Water. You meet my Ramen noodles, it's lunch time. It's cheap, I know. But those noodles just absorb you. And it's quick. Dirty deeds should be done quick. Bowl to spoon to mouth. I feel nourished. Time to move on. Water. What's for dinner. I boil potatoes to feed the hungry children I raise. You make them soft and smashable (not the kids, of course). In the crock pot, you spend 6 hours with my chicken. Warm dinner. A family meal. Water. Those cold winter nights you spin around in my microwave for two whole minutes so that you can meet powdered chocolate with dehydrated marshmallows. You bring smiles to red cheeks that have been playing in the snow. Water. From deep within the earth, my well pump delivers you to cleanse me. I stand in the shower, completely naked in front of you. You rinse the dirt from my body as I scrub myself clean. Water. In the spring, the random pots of who knows what plant that awakens from it's winter slumber. You help them. Awaken the roots that suck you in to become green and vibrant with beautiful flowers. Water. 10 nautical miles of you surround me on all sides. Your swells rock me. I cannot breathe you, but I can taste you. I can let you engulf me. You hide a life within you. Your children. Water. I mix you with fruit and sugar and yeast. You ferment. To turn to wine that I bottle. And enjoy on those cool summer nights. On the front porch. In my chair. And drift away. Water. You come down on me. In tiny droplets. And I spin around allowing you to touch every inch of me. My hair, drenched. My clothes soaked. I tilt my head back to catch you in my thirsty mouth. Quench my thirst. Keep me alive.
To know a person is to walk in their shoes. To know Ian was to drink coffee (lots of coffee) with him and learn to move at his pace. At a young age of twenty something, he walked with a cane. He was an artist and had a brilliant mind with a take on life that surpassed anything I could ever imagine. We shared art class together and countless nights of me not coming home until well past curfew. We spent many late nights cruising Raleigh in his Blazer, getting into trouble, drinking coffee, getting into more trouble and drinking more coffee. We went camping at the beach, sitting up all night drinking the mixer for strawberry daquiries because we were not quite of age for the alcohol part. I have many memories of "visions" we BOTH encountered when the moonlight danced it's magic on the moving ocean waters. White horses and giants. The sand. We lost touch for a few years, but found each other and once again, enjoyed coffee. The last time I saw Ian was in a photography studio where we did a photo session with some (I think) hot gals. We stepped out back of the shop after the session and cracked a couple of cold ones (we were finally of age to drink). After that, life happened and we lost touch. He seemed generally well, still with cane, but good. And we toasted to being over 21. Over the years, I haver tried to find Ian. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google, People Search. I had people asking me if I'd been in contact. The answer always turned up as no, no one has heard from him in years. And today, I learned he has moved on from this world. Almost 7 years ago, I lost a friend, a dear friend, and I didn't even know it at the time. We all lose touch for periods of time, but we expect that we will sync back up in a few months, or even years. Sometimes... that doesn't happen. I spent the afternoon in tears. I called the one person who loved Ian as much, if not more than I do. And yes, it was a call peppered with many tears. Life is short. Cherish every single fucking minute of it, because you never know when your best friend will be gone. Ian Sean Bennett, rest in peace my friend. All my love and we'll meet again on the other side.
"Ian Sean Bennett, 31, passed away Friday, October 12, 2007, at his home in Rocky Mount. He was born May 23, 1976, in Watauga County, Boone, NC. Ian was an Artist and previously employed with Lake Boone Photo Lab and Tri-Color Photo Lab in Raleigh. He leaves to cherish his memory, three brothers, James Tyler Diacont of Rocky Mount, Brian Cary Bennett of Prescott, AZ, Langdon S. Bennett of Los Alamos, New Mexico; his father, Brian C. Bennett of Alamos, New Mexico; his mother, Jennifer L. LaShorne and stepfather Jeffrey of Ft. Pierce, FL; stepfather, Dale W. Diacont of Waynesboro, VA; sister, Sabrina H. Bennett of Carbondale, IL. The family will receive friends and family Tuesday, October 16, 2007 from 4:00 to 6:00 p.m. at Johnson Funerals and Cremations on English Road. A graveside service will be held 2:00 p.m. Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at Oakwood Cemetery, 701 Oakwood Avenue, Raleigh, NC 27601 with Pastor Hank Vandergrift officiating." ~ source:http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/newsobserver/obituary.aspx?pid=96233871#sthash.qjc7wvGX.dpuf
My baby girl is 10 today. My how time flies! I feel like I should write more, but I just cannot believe that I have such a beautiful young gal that I love to the moon and back a zillion times, therefore, do not know what else to say except... Happy 10th birthday my love!!! ...and I'm not getting all teary eye and sentimental and stuff like Dad's do, and you know, and sniff, sniff
Remember those times when we picked the eyeballs out of locust? Remember when I blamed you for drawing with crayons all over the closet walls? Or did you blame me? Remember the hole in the wall from the recorder? Remember front porch sitting and talking all night long? Remember carting kids to the beach? Remember the aquarium trips? Do you remember Meatloaf and Nashville (That was an EPIC night). Does your butt itch? 'Cause mine does. Yes, we had a few rocky spans of time, but hey, we are all human. All in all, we have a rock solid relationship, I know I can tell you anything. Anything! And you only tell Mom some of it :) And you know I am always here for whatever you need. I wish I could be there for your birthday, to give you a big hug and say, "Thank you." Thank you for being a wonderful sister, friend, front porch buddy, my favorite front porch buddy. Thank you for having such a wonderful family and all that you do for them. So... Have a... 1. wonderful 2. awesome 3. epic 4. super 5. kick ass 6. crazy cool 7. supercalifragilistic 8. beautiful 9. gorgeous 10. relaxing ...day. Make it count and have a happy happy birthday! All my love!
"What did you do today?" "I played." "What did you play?" "Oh. Barbies, Legos, outside, that stuff." Am I getting too old? Do I forget what it means to play? Everything is so serious. My list of 10 things times 3 that I need to get done? They get crossed off very slowly as the kids are out playing. I want to go play. To not have a care in the world other than to just have fun. Maybe in a few years. That is all for now.
I haven't shaved in 22 days. The facial hair is past the itchy stage except for the few mustache(ish) hairs that twice a day decide to tickle my lips. I just brush them out of the way and carry on. They say that facial hair grows faster when you think about sex all the time. I suppose that's why I don't have a full beard or anything like that, it's more like brown fuzz on my face. Three months ago, stranded in an airport bar in Phoenix, AZ, I bought a drink for a lady standing next to me. Both of us were waiting for a flight to different destinations. In the random of the world, turns out, we had mutual acquaintances. Small world. She called me last week, she needed a favor. I executed. After the "use me" conversation was complete, we decided to stay in touch with travel plans and meet up soon for a drink in a random airport. Random airport. Who the fuck does that? My bags are always packed, always ready to go, but 22 days no shave, 3 months later? And I think I'm wearing dirty socks since the dog has done a real good job of finding all the clean ones. But in the end, it's just a drink. And a drink is just a drink. And dinner is just dinner. Why is it so hard to relay to people that most things in life, well, they don't have strings. Even if you admit that you would like strings. Ten things are 10 things.
One acre of a gazillion snowflakes. A pretty blanket of pristine. Every snowflake different. Every one adding to the fluff that makes tomorrow impenetrable. Impossible. Probable. Practical. Ten inches, they predict. If… no… there is no if, there is when I shouldn't love you, but I do - as the best of friends
The beginning. Pajama party. The end. 2013. You have been good to me. Challenging. But good. Thank you 2013. Dear 2014, you better be fucking amazing. And epic. And completely amazing. And epic. My third year in Chi for New Years, I wouldn't have it any other way. It's snowing out, the air is thick with alcohol. It's New Year's! It's a stay in party. An all week prep for a warm cozy night with old friends and new friends, all good friends. I love this crowd. Especially when they put up with my southern ways. What a spread. The food, simply amazing. The wine. The beer. The whiskey (see, they do know the southern boy). North side Chi-town hardwood floors. Perfectly cleaned with love and elbow grease. The reward. Purple Cowboy! The whole place smelled of heaven. It's the end of the year. It's actually an end to a lot more. It's a start of a new year. A start of a new adventure. They say you can either sink or swim. And I say that you cannot do either if you don't get in the water. So I jump in. My life is changing drastically in the next few weeks, and in times like these, traditions of being with true friends as the ball drops, yeah - that's what keeps me alive and awake. He drinks a whisky drink The future is not always certain. But I do know that the days will march on. And if I choose to not react and simply let time fly by. And if I choose to have no passion. And if I choose to be in the audience rather than the show. Well, then. Fuck me, I'm screwed. He drinks a vodka drink People are real. I swear. Cross my heart. I just found out myself, therefore will completely understand if you have a hard time believing me. Really, they are living and breathing the same air as you. Even in 3D (without any special glasses), which is pretty cool if you ask me. But because of this, it also means they can get hurt. Which also means that they will bleed. It can happen. He drinks a lager drink Men shoveling snow. It's still snowing. Are you chasing your tail? Is anything ever complete? Back home it is leaves. Do I rake every time a leaf falls or do I wait until they are all laying dead on the ground. If you wait, will the sun melt the snow, the wind blow the leaves away. I don't have time to wait. It must be now. He drinks a cider drink Smile. Do you know how fucking much it means to someone when you smile at them. Even if it's just a friendly passing smile in the airport. There's energy. Compassion. Love. A simple "Hey, how are you.?" Get your heads out of your text message. In person. Be there. In the NOW! He sings the songs that remind him I think this year has taught me one big lesson Love me, hate me, I don't care. But regardless, I will love you in some capacity. I've had the deepest conversations with people I had never met before. Partially because I just wanted to talk. Something on my mind. I'll never see them again, so what does it matter. I no longer believe in bull shit. Let it come out. You have friends and family when it becomes a life issue. But really, who is to say that a random stranger can't offer another view point that opens up the reality and help. Unbiased. Honest. True. Brutal sometimes. Of the good times Southern comfort. Some nights. I count my blessings every day that I wake up in a bed. And every cup of coffee I pour myself. And every pair of jeans I pull over my tired feet. He sings the songs that remind him Maybe I don't have the best plan. But I have a plan. And that plan is to work hard and play hard. And worker harder. And I refuse to go down without trying. And if I fail. Well. Then I try again. And if I fail. Well. Then I try again. And one day... Of the better times The year 2014 will not be easy. If it were easy, everyone would do it. But. It will be real. And real is what I want. Need. Crave. So here's my real. Right in front of me. And I cannot do this without family and friends. Those that listen to my crazy ideas and support me. They may not believe in ny ideas, but they believe in me. It's balls to the wall. It's try to keep up or I'll leave you in my dust. To the hats in Chi, I love you. I live on the edge of insanity. You put up with me. I may act irresponsible. I'm the most grounded person you will probably ever meet. I got this shit. Yes, I fuck up often. I'll admit that when it happens. I'm out there. Trying. For me. If you want to go for a ride, hop in. Cheers & Happy New Year, Me (10)