talk dirty to me so I can see

Airport toilet paper. You know, that ever so soft, plush, feels good on your ass stuff. The close your eyes and imagine it gently wiping the shit off as it glides over... OK, that is hurting my virgin ears, stop! Next topic please! Last night while I was searching for my camera charger, I found a pair of eye glasses from two prescriptions ago (roughly 3 years and I think the same as I have in my snorkel mask). I thought, “Hmm, I'll bring these along as a backup just in case.” So I tried them on. Holy crap, I could see again. My last eye doctor appointment did not go too well. I was nervous, sweating like a pig and almost passed out. Yes, I hate doctors and I cannot stand anything near my eyes. I have almost passed out watching someone else put contacts in. The net at my last visit was the Doc telling me that he could only correct my vision to a degree and it would not be 20/20. All based on that “is 1 better... or 2” method which is airport toilet paper. I accepted, shelled out way too much money for a new pair of glasses and went on my airport toilet paper way. Back to last night. I switched back and forth between my current prescription and this old pair a few times. I was still convinced that the old prescription allowed me to see in greater detail at a distance. The new (relative new) pair was ok at distance and complete airport toilet paper close up. I decided that I would need to drive in the older pair to determine if it was the beer, the correcter (making up words) prescription or airport toilet paper. I'm still sporting the oldest pair, drove to the airport in them in a constant worry that I would have a headache after an hour. Here we are, 8 hours since I put them on and I'm feeling nothing like airport toilet paper. This is probably not a fair test though as I'm 3 beers and 2 bloody marys into this vacation, so I'll give it some more time. Worst case, I have my newer pair and absolute worst case, my snorkel mask. That shall be all for now, I'll let you return to whatever airport toilet paper thing you were doing. Cheers!

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