I wear this hat tonight because it is cold and even though I am in my house, the cold creeps in so I wear this hat. It is a hat I have had for ten years and I wear it when I am cold. So I wear my hat tonight. It is ugly, like really ugly. When I wear it for any length of time then it makes my hair ugly. But my hair is ugly already so that makes it all OK. But I still wear my hat. I wonder why I still have this hat. It is out of style and certainly not cool. I put it on and the first thing I think about is if I should be seen in public with this hat on my head. I buy a cigar at the store and it sits on my counter and I never will smoke it because it will make my hat smell like the mafia. That's right, the sitting around playing cards and drinking scotch in fancy suits smoking cigars with guns. I do not want my hat to smell like that. Then I do exactly what any fashion conscious dude with an ugly hat would do. I buy a coat. Not a jacket. Not a flogger. A fucking coat! One of those that borders on a sport coat and is so stinking sexy that you can't help but look at me and wonder why I have an ugly hat. And then I put on the scarf. And you are totally amazed at how awesomely I transform into the poster boy on the cover of some internationally acclaimed magazine. Then you stop. Because I have an ugly hat. And you are right. I should not be there in my ugly hat. But I love my hat. I wonder what I should cook for dinner tonight. I am really in the mood for a salad but I have no lettuce. Maybe I should go out and buy a new hat. One that conforms to the fashion regulations of today. I am not sure if a new hat would keep my head warm. Protects my ears. I do not want those dangling things like the kids wear these days. I want an ugly hat. Ugly hat.