Trust (6)

Trust! I should be out doing yard work, but I'm not. Trust is too important. It starts with trusting yourself. If you do not trust yourself then you may as well go passionately and intimately tell yourself that you believe you should commit to go effing yourself. The story that hijacked priority as the next step in my quest is rather funny now that I've slept on it. It all started last night when the kids came in from playing. They played all day, it was an absolutely beautiful perfect Carolina sunshine day, in the mid 70's, and in November, we'll take those days with passion! My son went to his room to put his PJ's on, came back to the kitchen to beg for a snack before watching a movie. Holy what the heck!!! His stomach was deep red, like a sunburn kind of red. I asked him what happened and he didn't know. Then he said his legs looked that way too. Everyone else, out of the room, dude, drop your drawers. Panic time, did it itch, was anything swollen, did it hurt... I wasn't getting any where. You see, with a six year old, if you ask him if it itches, it will always itch. If you ask if it hurts, it will always hurt. Time to weasel the truth out of him through creative questioning. If you are a parent, you know what I mean. As a Facebook addict, of course I posted the fact that my son has this crazy rash. I got the normal replies that I would expect, from people that I trust. Benedryl. And I got the concerned replies, "I hope he feels better." And then I got this other reply that was... wait for it...

Crazy. Ass. Stupid.

But most of all, this reply was inappropriate to say the least. "It was supposed to be sarcastic." Yeah, I effing knew that, but in the context of my son's rash, it was not, nor was it obvious to anyone else on the thread. It kind of blew up from there, to orgasmic proportions (snicker snicker, he said orgasmic). I certainly called this person out publicly. Should I have manned up and just deleted the comment and called this person out privately? If it had been a week ago, I probably would have. I trusted this person, as I trust everyone on my friends list (some more than others) to make appropriate statements in context, and when inappropriate statements are made, they must be completely able to be read and understood as sarcastic. "That's a lot of effing trust you have there!" I know you are saying that in your head as you read. I do, I trust the people I associate myself with to know when it's OK to joke around. And I trust them in other regards as well. Apparently, I misjudged. What happened was that I lost my trust in this person. And when other mutual friends were brought into this situation, I also lost my trust in them. There is such a thing as trust by association. And in the day and age of the Internet and everything being online, that's a pretty huge thing. Remember, Six Degrees of Separation is really only 4 and some change these days.

Well, the situation was not resolved. I was not going to apologize, nor did I expect one. I did delete the entire thread, so those that were genuinely concerned about my son's rash, it looks much better this morning. And to those of you that I talked to on the phone last night, those of you that I really do trust, when I was stark raving lunatic mad, thank you! I think that I'm realizing a few things about trust. First, it comes in flavors. I trust a few people with a blank and signed check. I trust some people with my life. I trust some people to sharing deep and dark secrets (intimacy). Secondly, it takes earning my trust, make me believe that I can trust you by your actions. Commit your honesty to me and I'll commit mine back. And be passionate about it. Trust is not just some silly thing that you can throw around or take lightly. Also, it doesn't take much for it to all get thrown out the bloody window. One comment, one action, one slip and it's a snowball effect.

Relationships, regardless of level, are fragile. I really believe that trust is their foundation. Once you have that foundation, you can believe in the other person, be intimate with them, commit yourself to them, and do all of these with passion. Never forget, though, to trust yourself

I'm in the middle of soul searching. No, I'm in the middle of soul surfing. Figuring out what matters the most to me. Finding the right wave to ride all the way in until I reach the sand. And then I'm going back out to do it again. I probably should have gone out and bought a sports car, specifically at late 70's or early 80's Porsche 911, but that would have been easy. I don't want easy. I've lost some friends along the way, am I upset about this? Not really. I lost a possible date along the way. Am I upset about that? No. Could she have been that perfect match for me? Maybe, I guess I'll never know. And I'm OK with this. There are choices that I make in my life because I can be honest (next time) with my self.

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