I have not posted in some time. I haven't called in awhile. I haven't sent that random text in many weeks. I haven't opened the 6 books that I'm dying to read. And no, the pile of papers on the counter that need to be filed away, yeah, the stack keeps growing. I'm not one for excuses. So what have I been doing lately? Chasing rainbows. I miss just10things. This was my relax. This was my break. Therefore, tonight, old school.
"And pennies make dimes and dimes make dollars,
Dollars buy gas and longneck bottles,
Beer gets a barefoot country girl swayin,
To a song that's playin on the radio station.
Bad times make the good times better,
Look in her eyes and you're gone forever,
Aw its a helluva ride... Yeah, It's a helluva life." ~ Helluva Life, Frankie Ballard
"Baby you're a song
You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise
Down a back road blowin’ stop signs through the middle
Every little farm town with you
In this brand new Chevy with a lift kit
Would look a hell of a lot better with you up in it
So baby you're a song
You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise" ~ Cruise, Florida Georgia Line
"Heard about the old time sailor men,
They eat the same thing again and again;
Warm beer and bread they say could raise the dead.
Well, it reminds me of the menu at a Holiday Inn." ~ Cheeseburger In Paradise, Jimmy Buffet
"Well I see the souls of so many friends,
And I see us all back here again.
With sandy floors and ceiling fans,
A Rastafarian one-man band with songs
That fill my memories like a tip jar.
Yeah, that's what I see
When I see this bar." ~ When I see This Bar, Kenny Chesney
"A lifetime for a day
Would be an even trade
No price I wouldn't pay
For your heart love
I know how it feels to breath
With you beside me
I think about it always" ~ Tonight, Sugarland
The beginning. Pajama party. The end. 2013. You have been good to me. Challenging. But good. Thank you 2013. Dear 2014, you better be fucking amazing. And epic. And completely amazing. And epic. My third year in Chi for New Years, I wouldn't have it any other way. It's snowing out, the air is thick with alcohol. It's New Year's! It's a stay in party. An all week prep for a warm cozy night with old friends and new friends, all good friends. I love this crowd. Especially when they put up with my southern ways.
What a spread. The food, simply amazing. The wine. The beer. The whiskey (see, they do know the southern boy). North side Chi-town hardwood floors. Perfectly cleaned with love and elbow grease. The reward. Purple Cowboy! The whole place smelled of heaven.
It's the end of the year. It's actually an end to a lot more. It's a start of a new year. A start of a new adventure. They say you can either sink or swim. And I say that you cannot do either if you don't get in the water. So I jump in. My life is changing drastically in the next few weeks, and in times like these, traditions of being with true friends as the ball drops, yeah - that's what keeps me alive and awake.
He drinks a whisky drink
The future is not always certain. But I do know that the days will march on. And if I choose to not react and simply let time fly by. And if I choose to have no passion. And if I choose to be in the audience rather than the show. Well, then. Fuck me, I'm screwed.
He drinks a vodka drink
People are real. I swear. Cross my heart. I just found out myself, therefore will completely understand if you have a hard time believing me. Really, they are living and breathing the same air as you. Even in 3D (without any special glasses), which is pretty cool if you ask me. But because of this, it also means they can get hurt. Which also means that they will bleed. It can happen.
He drinks a lager drink
Men shoveling snow. It's still snowing. Are you chasing your tail? Is anything ever complete? Back home it is leaves. Do I rake every time a leaf falls or do I wait until they are all laying dead on the ground. If you wait, will the sun melt the snow, the wind blow the leaves away. I don't have time to wait. It must be now.
He drinks a cider drink
Smile. Do you know how fucking much it means to someone when you smile at them. Even if it's just a friendly passing smile in the airport. There's energy. Compassion. Love. A simple "Hey, how are you.?" Get your heads out of your text message. In person. Be there. In the NOW!
He sings the songs that remind him
I think this year has taught me one big lesson Love me, hate me, I don't care. But regardless, I will love you in some capacity. I've had the deepest conversations with people I had never met before. Partially because I just wanted to talk. Something on my mind. I'll never see them again, so what does it matter. I no longer believe in bull shit. Let it come out. You have friends and family when it becomes a life issue. But really, who is to say that a random stranger can't offer another view point that opens up the reality and help. Unbiased. Honest. True. Brutal sometimes.
Of the good times
Southern comfort. Some nights. I count my blessings every day that I wake up in a bed. And every cup of coffee I pour myself. And every pair of jeans I pull over my tired feet.
He sings the songs that remind him
Maybe I don't have the best plan. But I have a plan. And that plan is to work hard and play hard. And worker harder. And I refuse to go down without trying. And if I fail. Well. Then I try again. And if I fail. Well. Then I try again. And one day...
Of the better times
The year 2014 will not be easy. If it were easy, everyone would do it. But. It will be real. And real is what I want. Need. Crave. So here's my real. Right in front of me. And I cannot do this without family and friends. Those that listen to my crazy ideas and support me. They may not believe in ny ideas, but they believe in me. It's balls to the wall. It's try to keep up or I'll leave you in my dust.
To the hats in Chi,
I love you. I live on the edge of insanity. You put up with me. I may act irresponsible. I'm the most grounded person you will probably ever meet. I got this shit. Yes, I fuck up often. I'll admit that when it happens. I'm out there. Trying. For me. If you want to go for a ride, hop in.
Cheers & Happy New Year,
The filter is off... those easily offended, please skip this one. I never expected this exercise to actually invite situations where I would be applying my thoughts. So thank you to all of those that seriously fucked up your relationship with me during the last few weeks, you gave me a chance to test if I really feel the way I do! And I appreciate that, because it just drives home the fact that I do know who I am, what I stand for and how I hold myself. I'll give you a cookie if we ever talk again (unlikely). I have not only successfully examined myself, but I have been fortunate enough to examine some of my relationships. Kinda cool that I'm killing multiple birds with a single stone exercise.
It all started when I asked my boss, "what do you want me to do?" And he answered with, "what do you want to do?" And I think. No. I believe that I took it to the next level. He shared with me a simple exercise involving a Ven Diagram. Inputting what I can do, what I like to do, and the delta is what I should will do. Then I took a step back. I examined core beliefs. These just10things are in reverse for a reason, because I needed to back up and get all fundamental-like before I could answer the true question on the table.
Think about you, what you like, what you want. Be humble. Be passionate. Be intimate. Commit. Be honest. Trust. Be real, to yourself and others.
Those familiar with SCRUM will understand, but the basic principal is spend 5 minutes every morning and answer three simple question. What did I accomplish yesterday? What am I doing today? Is there anything in my way? Maybe you do this once a week, but you need to answer these things about yourself. The rate at which the world is changing means that a five year plan is going to do you no good. Maybe a one year plan? I don't know what the right answer is. But I can tell you that it is not "decide and forget"-you must constantly be in evaluation mode. Life is not predictable and will always present you with choices and challenges. If you are not willing to meet them head on, you may get left behind. Live each day to it's fullest and trust in yourself, believe in yourself, and it might just all turn out OK.
Sometimes we lose ourselves in the day to day. Sometimes we become stale, stagnant. What I have learned is that we must constantly be "out there" living and learning. It really is the same premise that I started just10things on. In one week, if I did not learn 10 things, I was not being successful. It's about the drive, about being real. If you don't believe me, go fuck yourself, I'll leave out the details on how that should happen, but if you have been following this exercise, I think you kind of have a hint as to how that should happen. Just make sure it's intimate.
So now we have 10 things...
And we have examined a little more about who we are, who you are, who I am. Now I am ready to go forward and accomplish the next phase. So what's next? Glad you have asked. I've executed this list, I recommend that you do as well.
Read The Tipping Point (some times it's the little things that change the world)
Watch Soul Surfer (Believe in yourself)
Listen to Road To Nowhere (Find your road)
Read Who Moved My Cheese (Sometimes, you have to change to keep up, commit)
Watch Being Elmo (Have passion)
Listen to Sanctified (Be yourself, don't let someone else define who you really are)Read The Happiness Project (Experimentation)
Watch Lemonade Mouth (Because Disney movies rock and there's always conflict, choices)
Listen to We Own the Night (You own your life)
Finally Be yourself and be honest and keep it real!
Absorb. Find yourself. Be honest. Be real. Commit. Believe. Do it all with passion. Trust. Exercise intimacy. You have choices. Take pride. Find balance. Find yourself, you are out there.
I don't know that I will ever 100% know who I am, but I can tell you that I'm a hell of a lot closer now. And I just begun finding me. There will always be a mountain to move, it's called life. It's your choice what you do with it. Sit back and say fuck it or take it by the horns, you decide.
I have a handful of people to thank. I won't call you out here, but you know who you are. In the last few weeks we have talked, listened, grown relationships and killed a few. All in all, it's been an interesting road, but I feel like I am in a better position to move forward living life and being real.
Cheers my friends, and all my love. Thank you for the adventure (it's not over).
And one final question you should ask yourself... "AM I IN WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE?"
The beauty is, with choice, I can decide if you get to come into my blanket fort or not. Sucks for you, rocks for me. But in all seriousness, think about all the choices we do have. How do you know if you make the right decision? How many times have you said, "What if I had made a different decision?" I suppose the good news is that you'll never know what happened, so don't stress too much about it.
There are some studies that suggest an average adult to have 35,000 choices a day, this varies with age, job, situation, but still, that's a staggering number. Some are simple choices. Do I hit snooze or just get out of bed? Should I have a bologna sandwich or salami? Some are more complex. Should I call her and ask her out? Should I take on another responsibility at work? Should I invest in that startup company? With all these choices, it's a wonder we are not all in the looney bin. How does the human brain handle all of these choices. Yeah, I'm not an expert in that, but I am pretty amazed that we have the capacity.
Let's talk about a very difficult choice. A bee. A worker bee's sole purpose is to protect the queen. If it stings, it will die. That's one heck of a choice, I can here the buzz in the little bee's head, "Hey, is this person a threat to my Queen? Hmm, he has dark hair and brown eyes, must be... goodbye cruel world!" Pretty depressing. I'm sure that this is not how it really happens, it's probably some pre-wired instinct caused by the fact that worker bees are just clones and have no evolutionary responsibility for passing on their DNA, but that's another day.
Point being, all these choices, some are really hard. Think about all the decisions our soldiers make in combat, some are life and death decisions. And they have an even larger weight for each choice they have. They are dealing with choices that not only protect themselves, but the entire country! What I wonder, though, is how many of the choices they have where what they choose to do becomes second nature, almost instinctual. Does that mean we can train ourselves to make better decisions? Faster decisions? Smarter decisions?
I'd like to think so. But I do not think that you can, or even could, unless you really understand you, who you are, what you stand for. I was thinking the other day (which can be a scary thing) about trying to reduce the complexity in my life by creating less choices. For example, instead of sitting there wondering which bottle of wine to have, I would just reach my hand in the wine rack and grab a bottle. Most of the wine in my rack I've never tried, so if it turns out that my seemingly random selection is one of my favorites, I add excitement to my glass. The thing is though, I'm not removing a choice from my life. I am making it a little less complex by not staring at 40 bottles of wine for 30 minutes, but I still do have the choice on whether I will have wine or a gin and tonic on a particular evening. You could certainly argue that my random choice of bottles is still a choice, and maybe it is, but it's a choice about where on the rack to grab, not do I want Merlot, Cab, Shiraz.
I have also come to determine that the choices I have in who I associate myself with have become slightly less complex. I have spent time thinking about who I am and what I want. I've spent time thinking about the traits that I need in relationships. After having spent all this time thinking, it's becoming easier to let relationships go because they don't have the traits that I value. More importantly, I've realized that I don't need a relationship where I continuously give with nothing in return. I've had choices where this seemingly simple evaluation has thrown a lot of stress out the window, and has ensured that when I wake each morning, I feel lighter, happier, more excited about what choices the day will bring me. And it's a great feeling.
I believe that having too many complex choices in your life can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, anger and probably a host of other negative emotions. And I, for one, am done with negative. I want positive back in my life and I want my life to be real (next time).
Cheers my friends.
What the heck does being able to ride a bike have to do with finding out more about you? No silly, not that kind of balance. I'm talking about life balance. Those times when you have a gazillion things on your plate, which seems like every day, and how do you balance them so you don't go batshit crazy. Work, life, love, friends, family, alone time, the dog. It all adds up to about 76 hours a day that we need in order to do everything we need to every week. The unfortunate side is that just like your high school class president never delivered a Coke machine to the lunch room, the US President can't increase the amount of hours in the day. So you are screwed! We need to call the Mayans! The wrote the effing calendar, right?
This is a fast paced society, how in the world do you keep up? You balance. And yes, if you don't figure out how to maintain balance, you will take pride in the fact that you are honestly committing to believe that you will trust with passion your intimacy when you go eff yourself (wow these are getting harder, no pun, get your mind out of the gutter). So how do you balance? Well, there's the basic "Project Manager" way (no offense to those in the field, using simply for reference) where you list out the things you need to do. Then you rate them using the simple scale of easy and hard. From there, it's a matter of preference. You can attack all the easy things first, get them out of the way and then execute the hard things. Maybe you take the opposite approach, get the hard things out of the way then bang out the easy stuff.
What happens when you have things of equal(ish) weight? How do you balance that? True story. I was speaking to a colleague on the shuttle ride back to the airport last weekend and after some general conversation he says to me, "I'm removing 'easy' and 'hard' from my life." What the eff? We kept talking, and I realized that I'm actually pretty close to doing that as well. With balance comes prioritization. It's no longer a bucket of easy things and hard things. To shift your approach means you have various buckets of things of varying degrees of commitment, effort and importance. By removing the general assignment of easy and hard from the equation, you are forced to break things down and essentially rate them. By truly analyzing your list of things, it becomes evident. Once you have accomplished this, balance is pretty straight forward. You find that you will have more free time. Simple concept, astonishing results. The magic quadrant...
There's also a work/life balance that is crucial. Let's face it, we all have to work. When we can find that delicate balance of spending time with family and still getting work done, then we are close to golden. And we absolutely positively need to take family in the equation. Not just our kids, but the whole kit and caboodle of family. And friends. But especially kids. If we cannot find time to spend with them, then we may as well go eff... I won't even bother spelling it out, you know. They are the future. They are impressionable and need quality time, interaction and education. If you are so wrapped up in work and cannot give your children the proper guidance, time and attention, well, then, go... it's your choice (next time).
My son draws a picture of a monster with 22 eyes and a scary mouth and shows it to me. My daughter teaches me what "Mental Math" is, and I get it. My son wakes up with a dry Pull-Up, he starts dancing. My daughter won an award for good handwriting in school, she let me take her picture. Who cares? I do, because they took pride in what they did, what they accomplished.
Pride is a strange word. It can be excessive.It can be negative. I go again to the wonderful world of the Internet.
[the] pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself
Having pride is not being egotistical, and if you think it is, well you know what to do. Be passionate when you commit to effing yourself and make sure you trust that it is intimate and you are honest with yourself, how it feels, and believe it. But from the definition, the one word that goes blink blink in pink neon is
Now the man is thought to be proud who thinks himself worthy of great things, being worthy of them; for he who does so beyond his deserts is a fool, but no virtuous man is foolish or silly. The proud man, then, is the man we have described. For he who is worthy of little and thinks himself worthy of little is temperate, but not proud; for pride implies greatness, as beauty implies a goodsized body, and little people may be neat and well-proportioned but cannot be beautiful.
And when it is excessive, from Wikipedia, "Excessive feelings of hubris have a tendency to create conflict and sometimes terminating close relationships, which has led it to be understood as one of the few emotions without any clear positive or adaptive functions (Rhodwalt, et al.)"
So take pride in yourself, take pride in what you do, but don't be excessive, you can be humble and still have pride, you just have to exercise balance (next time).
[I sort of got a little hint, well, a big hint, from quite a few people that I needed to "forgive" whomever pissed in my Cheerios. No one pissed in my Cheerios, I don't eat cereal. I know it sounded like it, but it really wasn't quite that way. It wasn't a true rant at an individual, rather the concept of being honest with yourself and others. It also was a perfect demonstration of how if someone is not being honest to you, it can turn you batshit crazy, and I didn't realize this until after it was posted and a few people pointed it out. I think this means that being honest also goes down as a foundation alongside trust. Yes, "Honest" did have a negative undertone, but it did, afterwards, really drive home that being honest is a quality that I need in those that I associate myself with, and myself. I was being honest in how it came out, brutally honest.]
Don't effing lie to me! I'm not going to lie to you! I will tell you the brutal honest truth and I expect the same from you. In my wonderful chain of event's last night, I ended up on the phone with someone I trust. And I was honest. You know how we all have those little phrases we say sometimes, and we don't really realize we are saying them? Well, this person has one. And every time they say it, I go giddy inside. So I was honest and said that that little phrase this person uses all the time is just adorable. Was this a come on, no, it was being honest.
But really, being honest starts with yourself. It is true that a compulsive liar will get all fumbled up in the story because they are trying to keep track of all the lies. And they will slip. Why? Just tell the truth and be honest. If you tell me one thing and tell someone else something different, remember again those Six Degrees of Separation, we are only 4 and change apart, I'll find out, and I'll quickly, no, immediately, lose my trust in you. So you decide. If you cannot commit and believe that being honest is the best way to be intimate, and be passionate about it, well, you know what... go eff yourself.
Sometimes, being honest hurts. I believe, though, that it hurts a lot less than not being honest. If you cover shit up...
... it's still shit underneath, and no, it will not turn into gold over time, or diamonds. And really, how can you live with yourself in a world that doesn't really exist for you? You have made it all up because you were not honest. That's OK, just like the turtle I recently had, I'm taking you back to the pond and letting you go. Don't call. Don't write. I have better things to do in life than to entertain you unwillingness to be honest. Yeah, call if effing bitter, won't hurt my feelings at all. I have pride (next time).
Cheers my friends, for those that are hanging out through this all, thank you!
Trust! I should be out doing yard work, but I'm not. Trust is too important. It starts with trusting yourself. If you do not trust yourself then you may as well go passionately and intimately tell yourself that you believe you should commit to go effing yourself. The story that hijacked priority as the next step in my quest is rather funny now that I've slept on it.
It all started last night when the kids came in from playing. They played all day, it was an absolutely beautiful perfect Carolina sunshine day, in the mid 70's, and in November, we'll take those days with passion! My son went to his room to put his PJ's on, came back to the kitchen to beg for a snack before watching a movie. Holy what the heck!!! His stomach was deep red, like a sunburn kind of red. I asked him what happened and he didn't know. Then he said his legs looked that way too. Everyone else, out of the room, dude, drop your drawers. Panic time, did it itch, was anything swollen, did it hurt... I wasn't getting any where. You see, with a six year old, if you ask him if it itches, it will always itch. If you ask if it hurts, it will always hurt. Time to weasel the truth out of him through creative questioning. If you are a parent, you know what I mean.
As a Facebook addict, of course I posted the fact that my son has this crazy rash. I got the normal replies that I would expect, from people that I trust. Benedryl. And I got the concerned replies, "I hope he feels better." And then I got this other reply that was... wait for it...
Crazy. Ass. Stupid.
But most of all, this reply was inappropriate to say the least. "It was supposed to be sarcastic." Yeah, I effing knew that, but in the context of my son's rash, it was not, nor was it obvious to anyone else on the thread. It kind of blew up from there, to orgasmic proportions (snicker snicker, he said orgasmic). I certainly called this person out publicly. Should I have manned up and just deleted the comment and called this person out privately? If it had been a week ago, I probably would have. I trusted this person, as I trust everyone on my friends list (some more than others) to make appropriate statements in context, and when inappropriate statements are made, they must be completely able to be read and understood as sarcastic. "That's a lot of effing trust you have there!" I know you are saying that in your head as you read. I do, I trust the people I associate myself with to know when it's OK to joke around. And I trust them in other regards as well. Apparently, I misjudged. What happened was that I lost my trust in this person. And when other mutual friends were brought into this situation, I also lost my trust in them. There is such a thing as trust by association. And in the day and age of the Internet and everything being online, that's a pretty huge thing. Remember, Six Degrees of Separation is really only 4 and some change these days.
Well, the situation was not resolved. I was not going to apologize, nor did I expect one. I did delete the entire thread, so those that were genuinely concerned about my son's rash, it looks much better this morning. And to those of you that I talked to on the phone last night, those of you that I really do trust, when I was stark raving lunatic mad, thank you! I think that I'm realizing a few things about trust. First, it comes in flavors. I trust a few people with a blank and signed check. I trust some people with my life. I trust some people to sharing deep and dark secrets (intimacy). Secondly, it takes earning my trust, make me believe that I can trust you by your actions. Commit your honesty to me and I'll commit mine back. And be passionate about it. Trust is not just some silly thing that you can throw around or take lightly. Also, it doesn't take much for it to all get thrown out the bloody window. One comment, one action, one slip and it's a snowball effect.
Relationships, regardless of level, are fragile. I really believe that trust is their foundation. Once you have that foundation, you can believe in the other person, be intimate with them, commit yourself to them, and do all of these with passion. Never forget, though, to trust yourself
I'm in the middle of soul searching. No, I'm in the middle of soul surfing. Figuring out what matters the most to me. Finding the right wave to ride all the way in until I reach the sand. And then I'm going back out to do it again. I probably should have gone out and bought a sports car, specifically at late 70's or early 80's Porsche 911, but that would have been easy. I don't want easy. I've lost some friends along the way, am I upset about this? Not really. I lost a possible date along the way. Am I upset about that? No. Could she have been that perfect match for me? Maybe, I guess I'll never know. And I'm OK with this. There are choices that I make in my life because I can be honest (next time) with my self.
This is a hard one. I've tried this once before, and it failed. I tried again, and it failed. But taking what I've learned thus far, if you are passionate, if you are intimate and you believe, then maybe you can commit. What are you committing to? What does it mean to commit? Again, I am using commit versus commitment for the same reasons I used believe over belief. To commit requires action, constant action.
Some of this exercise started out because I felt that I needed a 5 year plan. I have been with my employer for almost 6 years now. I've grown, I do different things than I used to, but I do a lot of things. And sometimes when you do a lot of things, you kind of lose a little focus in your growth, lose the ability to commit. Not so much as an employee, or to what you do, but as a person. So, yeah, a five year plan, that would fix it all. Until.
One of the key note speakers at a conference last weekend says, (paraphrased) "If we wait until we get to our five year plan, we will miss the mark. The speed at which the world is changing will not wait for a five year plan to come to fruition."
Maybe I need a 3 year plan. What if that is too long, a one year plan? The answer is no to both. I simply need to determine what I want to do next. And commit to it. As soon as possible. And if I don't act fast, I will be passionately intimate when I believe I will tell myself to go eff off.
But what does it mean to commit?
My favorite definition is "to bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance." Wow, that's a lot! That's pretty close to signing those 150 pages for a mortgage. Wait, signing a mortgage is to commit to pay that monthly payment. It really means that you are all in. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there right now that are no longer all in to that commitment they made to pay their mortgage (yes... I know I used the word commitment, because for those people, there was not constant action). I understand there are unfortunate circumstances, I do, it's when you quit taking action that it all goes south. I can tell you that I have been in a scenario where I was paying 50% on 2 different mortgages plus rent plus car payments and all those other things like utilities and food. And then I quit my job! Why, because I was going to commit to changing careers, to go into a field that I has passion for. And I believed in myself. And I needed to be intimate and take time to study, self educate, search for a job, network. It was not easy, not even a little bit easy. But it is possible to get through those times, especially when you commit. And you have to trust (next time).
[You have to prioritize was hijacked due to a conversation that happened on Facebook last night, which made me realize that you can put off prioritization and that trust is more important, funny how life is always teaching you.]
This is not a discussion of faith, this is about the simple act of believing. You cannot have faith if you do not believe. I believe that in general, people are good. I believe that they want to be genuinely honest. I believe that I can make a difference as long as I chose the right things. Sometimes, though, you don't know what the rights things are. That's why I'm here right now talking to you. I'm happy, really, truthfully. But I also believe that I have more to offer, more to achieve, and this is my path to figuring it out.
You must be passionate and intimate with believing in yourself and others. Notice that I am not using the word "belief." That word (strike that word from my vocabulary) is a noun. Stagnant, a thing. Believe is a verb, it is something you do, and you must continuously do it, you must take action. "Don't stop, believing" come on, sing along with me. It's a catchy tune, and it's true!
I believe that you can achieve great things. I believe that you can make a difference. I believe you can go through and do a deep soul search and figure out your purpose. I believe you are truly amazing. I believe you are in control. If you tell me different, I will passionately and intimately tell you to go eff yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, why will I believe in you?
When I sat down to write about believing, one of the hardest things to come to terms with is that I have to believe in myself. Without that fundamental outlook, I'm useless. I believe that I have the ability to achieve anything I set my mind to. It may take time, it may not be easy. If I commit (next time), then it will happen.
Cheers my friends!