I wear this hat tonight because it is cold and even though I am in my house, the cold creeps in so I wear this hat. It is a hat I have had for ten years and I wear it when I am cold. So I wear my hat tonight. It is ugly, like really ugly. When I wear it for any length of time then it makes my hair ugly. But my hair is ugly already so that makes it all OK. But I still wear my hat. I wonder why I still have this hat. It is out of style and certainly not cool. I put it on and the first thing I think about is if I should be seen in public with this hat on my head. I buy a cigar at the store and it sits on my counter and I never will smoke it because it will make my hat smell like the mafia. That's right, the sitting around playing cards and drinking scotch in fancy suits smoking cigars with guns. I do not want my hat to smell like that. Then I do exactly what any fashion conscious dude with an ugly hat would do. I buy a coat. Not a jacket. Not a flogger. A fucking coat! One of those that borders on a sport coat and is so stinking sexy that you can't help but look at me and wonder why I have an ugly hat. And then I put on the scarf. And you are totally amazed at how awesomely I transform into the poster boy on the cover of some internationally acclaimed magazine. Then you stop. Because I have an ugly hat. And you are right. I should not be there in my ugly hat. But I love my hat. I wonder what I should cook for dinner tonight. I am really in the mood for a salad but I have no lettuce. Maybe I should go out and buy a new hat. One that conforms to the fashion regulations of today. I am not sure if a new hat would keep my head warm. Protects my ears. I do not want those dangling things like the kids wear these days. I want an ugly hat. Ugly hat.
Santa got iPods for both of my kids, within 15 minutes they were playing music, downloading games and sending each other messages. Kids absorb, they are little sponges. Me, however, I'm old. I can still learn, but it takes me a little longer. This is also the case when I have well over 15 years of "experience" with something. This something is Microsoft Windows and various *nix platforms. So the other day I decided to get a super sexy MacBook Air. Mostly because I like toys, but also because I feel that I need to know how to use a Mac, but mostly just because I like toys. So after a day, here's my list of things that are just weird to me. 1. Is it me, or is there no such thing as a right click? 2. I use Lotus Notes, which I've installed. In Notes the shortcut to mark a message as read is the Insert key. Does a Mac not have one? If it does, I surely cannot locate it 3. How do I copy/paste? 4. Please explain to me the control, command, option, alt, fn and how they relate to the keys - it feels like overload 5. How do I get an application out of full screen? 6. I installed Firefox, but I cannot find it once I closed it last night, where did it go? 7. Is the dock at the bottom all apps or just most recently used apps? 8. I can't figure out where open applications go sometimes, how do I alt-tab like the Windows world? 9. Is there a Mac for Dummies book? 10. I'm in love with it (go ahead and say it, "I told you so") but it sure is making me feel dumb right now, and I'm a geek, so that's not cool
I've never met you, but I read you. Your writings have made me laugh and brought tears to my eyes. Tonight, I sit, awake and alive, reading "It's Snowing In New York." I stopped reading at the title and... 1. Wondered if I would wake my roommate 2. Having hours ago put on the PJ's, then 3. Traded the PJ's for jeans and a t-shirt 4. Fumbled to find shoes and fumbled again to tie them in the dark 5. Wrapped a scarf around my neck 6. Slipped into to my coat 7. Didn't care that my hair would turn a mess-put on a hat 8. Quietly unlocked and opened the door 9. To slip away, outside, to the city 10. On the small ray of hope that it is snowing in New York And when I returned to my room, having not yet found the snow, I shivered in the mystery, then read the rest of your words. You made the snow a possibility, in all it's truth and glory. And added some deepness behind it all. Perfect crystalline objects... New York would love you! Keep writing, be strong!
Random senseless morning thinking about interactions with day to day objects. 1. Which came first, the cork or the cork screw? Maybe it was a bunch of wanna be alcoholics staring at a bottle of wine in 1768 wondering how they were going to get drunk. 2. What would be the point of having a screwdriver before you had screws? Maybe to open paint cans or pry open a treasure chest full of gold coins. 3. The infamous red Solo cup and the Dixie cup made for cheap beer and cheap wine, respectively, getting red necks drunk on a daily basis. 4. Canning jars were not meant to preserve food, but rather to show off a collection of mid-summer night fireflies and promote good clean fun for children everywhere. 5. Easy Cheese is just disgusting, as is squeezable yogurt. There are just reasons some things should not be transformed into a squeezable/spray-able form. What's next Easy Beef? Squeeze broccoli? 6. What did people drink coffee from before there were coffee cups? Technically, shouldn't any cup you put coffee in be called a coffee cup? Why are there so many types of cups and glasses? I would have a lot less dishes to wash if all beverages tasted the same in a 16oz tumbler, unfortunately, my brain tells me that wine does indeed taste better in a Riedel glass appropriate for a certain type of wine (see #3). 7. 3D TV, hmmm, I think this is Big Brother trying to lessen the distance in our minds between reality and make believe - the next phase in the master plan of total mind control. One day soon we will all be slaves to the government. 8. The MP3 player, the e-Reader and the smart phone prevent people from having real live conversations in public places. Come ride the PATH train with me if you don't believe me. Stuff 200 people into a small space and you may get one conversation in a 30 minute period. Everyone is heads down engaged in some sort of media interaction (see #7), not people interaction. And we call ourselves social! 9. Makeup. There is physical beauty in everyone, I just don't get the purpose of painting over this with layers and layers of makeup (I am a sucker for F**k Me Red lipstick, though). 10. Why do we enjoy being scared? Horror movies! Aren't there enough scary things in life that we don't need artificial fear?
Facebook, today, decided to unleash a new user interface, and a lot of people are, well, they are pissed off! An article I stumbled on just a few days ago commented that Facebook was getting ready to release a new front end and new services such as music and video in order to compete with Google+ after months of silence. Well, that's great, I'm happy for them, but I'm not 100% sold on the Google+ interface yet, nor do I like the Twitter interface notifications that happen magically as my browser sits. As a matter of fact, I don't care for anything in my browser window that refreshes or updates unless I tell it to. Period. Same goes for my phone. So why change? 1. I like the new Lists feature, it was released a few days, maybe even a week, ago. This answers Google+ Circles and the seems-to-be-dead Diaspora, but it's too cumbersome. I now have lists on the left with numbers of unread posts in them, sometimes big numbers, and the only way to get rid of them is to click on the list, even if I have read the associated comment or post that this number is referring to. 2. Painful, it's like your kid that sits in the back seat of a car on a 12 hour trip and every 30 seconds says, "Are we there yet?" 3. The stock exchange ticker tape style thingy on the right top column, I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that my email won't replicate as fast as it used to on a slow hotel connection. I don't like instant coffee, I don't NEED instant Facebook 4. And this little bugger, , is the most unreliable notification thingy I think I've ever experienced - but that's been going on for some time, and now, to think we got the ticker tape (see #3), do I really expect performance to be better? 5. Ah, performance, do you know how long it took me to "Check In" this evening from my phone with a decent signal? 27 minutes before FB Android App recognized I was in NYC @ Kellarney Rose. It only took 20 seconds on Monday from the SAME seat. My email replicated today before I could even get a list of "Nearby Places" on FB 6. SLOW, too many requests going on to update this and update that 7. Clutter. Makes me feel like I'm in Vegas being bombarded with a million pamphlets for adult entertainment/escort services at every corner (and then some) 8. The fact that some stuff scrolls and some stuff doesn't is annoying 9. I get change, I do. It is needed, but change for the right reasons, not just to be like the other guys. Change for what your people need, not what you think they need. 10. Would 750 million and growing still be sticking with it if you sucked? I really think you need to add this to the site (can't promise browser compatibility with HTML marquee):
If you are thinking that I’m going to start talking about privacy, you are way off; I will actually digress to high school. I recall giving my phone number to a select few in school, even fewer in college. I remember getting my first cell phone, a Motorola StarTac and freely giving my phone number out. Those days were prefaced with handing out my pager number and I would return your call from a landline when I found one. The story was always the same, though - “847-xxxx.” I made a phone call the other day to schedule an eye doctor appointment; they asked me to verify my phone number and reminded me to bring in my insurance card. That same evening, I called the magic pizza car (pizza delivery) to order dinner. Later, again, the same evening, I sent my phone number in a message to a friend on FaceBook who wanted to talk. Next, I was thinking about when I was in the grocery store the other day, and I forgot my “Ima Frequent Shopper” card, so I entered my phone number on the key pad in place of the card. In the same manner, at an electronics store a week ago, I entered my phone number to retrieve my information for an extended warranty. I get my haircut and to check in at the front desk, I provide my phone number. The story has changed now, “919-710-xxxx.” So I have a phone number now, and I had one then, that’s great, so what’s the point? The point is the subtle change that happened without much controversy. In all of the examples that I have just described, I have been conversing and collaborating with individuals locally, we are all in the same area code. I was giving out my phone number then, just as I do now. The subtle change is the addition of three little digits. These days, when I reveal my phone number, it is always prefaced with an area code. I have never complained during this almost transparent change of wasting energy to speak three extra numbers. In fact, I really cannot recall when this change happened. I do remember many years ago, the news would highlight that 10-digit dialing would become necessary, but never do I recall seeing headlines like “Woman divorces husband over 10 digit phone number” or “Senator withholding the truth, only reveals 7 digits.” What really happened is that adoption of the telephone had exceeded the expectations of the infrastructure, we started running out of phone numbers; hence area codes started to become a little more important. Sure, you can still make calls locally dialing 7 digits, in some areas, but what happens if you are out of town and dial a contact from your cell phone? You are reminded by a sweet sounding operator (recording) reminding you that you need to dial an area code to reach this number. I have never yelled at her, I simply hang up and re-dial. What I noticed is that over time, I have started storing all contacts in my phone using a 10-digit format. The important thing here, though, is not the number of digits you will dial or the fact that there was an infrastructure “upgrade” needed, it is about how the consumers adapt to the change. In the end, it was the people that had to change; or not use the telephone.